He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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