I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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