Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
