Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
