I skipped work to stalk him.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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