I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
