Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
