Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
