the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
