Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
