No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
