I'm so fucking centered right now
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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