I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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