turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
