My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
