RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
