is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
