Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
