youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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