Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
