GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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