my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
