Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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