Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
