...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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