ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
