Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
