If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
