i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
