I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
