He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
