friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
