you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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