honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
