You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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