Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
