If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
