Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
