wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
