Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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