Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dignity is for republicans.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
