did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
