If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
