Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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