Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
