My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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