i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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