whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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