i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
