I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
did i walk over a car last night?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
