We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
