Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
