who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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