I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
