I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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