you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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