your thong is hanging out like whoa
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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