its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
